Woman Wonders What Goes on Inside the Mind of Their Friend Who Always Cancels Plans at the Last Minute: ‘If I didn’t know better I’d say she’s trying to get rid of me as a friend, but she still mails me a birthday and Christmas present every year’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Oct 22, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

'It's me, hi, I'm the problem, It's me': I'm the type of person who never confirms plans, and I can tell you what goes on in my mind

I don't intend this to be a defense of flaky friends; I just want to explain what is possibly going on in the mind of someone who's flaky, ok?

I just wanna start by saying I wanna see you, just not necessarily on Saturday, ok? The plans I agreed to on Tuesday might not feel appealing on Saturday, and I rely heavily on my mood. Sometimes I don't want to go out; sometimes I'm exhausted and want to stay home in my jammies the whole day. Is that really so hard to understand?

I know I should be more responsible and not agree to the plans in the first place. Still, I genuinely want to see you, and I think I'll feel good on Saturday; it just happens that sometimes you have an unexpectedly rough week. Then, Saturday comes along, and you wanna hide under the covers and ignore all your calls.

I've tried being honest with friends about this and saying things along the lines of: Look, I'm agreeing now, but a lot of times when the day comes, I don't feel like it; I'm much better at making plans on the spot; and it has worked with some friends, but most friends simply don't understand it and take it personally.

Trust me, I tried attending the plans I already agreed to out of sheer commitment, and it always turns out horrible; I'll want to leave the entire time and bring the worst possible vibe to the function.

I guess, if I'm honest, that it has a little to do with how much desire I have to see said friend; I've gone great lengths to see friends I really wanted to see, and I'm not flaky at all on those occasions, but it's not as related to desire as people might think at first glance. I might really want to see you and not have the energy for it.

I know a friend cancelling on you last minute is objectively horrible, and I'm not defending it; I'm even trying to stop doing it completely. I'm genuinely just trying to be honest and maybe extract some understanding from the unflaky people out there.

Either way, I have to take responsibility for my actions and not make people organise their schedules around my moods, so I'll have to share the disclaimer that I can't make plans in advance.

It's selfish to expect everyone to be understanding or happy to accommodate. That said, some type of plans are easier to attend for me than others, like I love going to coffee shops and I hate going out at night, so I guess I just have to be more honest with myself and mostly just accept the plans that I like? Gosh, I hate having realizations; I can't take any more realizations this year. I need a break.

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    Cheezburger Image 10672482304
    via Obie Fernandez

    The friend rejecting her flaky friend's attitude

    Image for illustrative purposes



     

  • 02

    People who never confirm plans: what is going on inside your mind

    I [29F] have a friend [28F] who used to be my very good friend When we lived in the same city ( I met her when I moved there at 25 ish) we'd hang out multiple times a week, sleep over at each others places, call all
    via furious_georgge
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    the time. She was like truly my best friend. But she is also one of those out of sight out of mind kind of people. I ended up moving cities for work and we kept in touch at first but she is
    via furious_georgge
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    notoriously bad at answering texts, calls, etc with everyone. Her phones always on do not disturb and she takes a minimum 1-2 days to answer your texts. She came to visit me once when I moved 2 years ago and ever since
    via furious_georgge
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    then I've been trying to visit her but she keeps saying she's not sure what she has going on x weekend so she can't confirm plans for me to visit. I offer her to come stay at my place she says she'll Let me know if the
    via furious_georgge
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    dates work. Never follows up until I ask her again and then she says oh sorry I can't. If I didn't know better I'd say she's trying to get rid of me as a friend, but she still mails me a birthday
    via furious_georgge
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    and Christmas present every year, on the rare times I can corral her into FaceTiming we have fun. I like really dislike always being the one to reach out first which feels unfortunately like a recurring theme in a lot of
    via furious_georgge
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10672482560
    via Francis Ledger

    How people reject flaky attitude

    Stock photography for depiction only

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    my friendships. I asked her back in April if she wanted to come for Halloween (our favourite holiday) and she just today confirmed she can't visit. It's really starting to hurt my feelings and I see her
    via furious_georgge
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    go on trips with her other friends and her family. I've mentioned it to her before and I've already decided it's time to kind of let this friendship go, I can't keep putting in effort into someone who doesn't care about me. But I suppose in
    via furious_georgge
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    had wondering to people who are kind of flaky with plan making becuase you're happier to kind of just go with the flow what is it like from your perspective in these kinds. of situations?
    via furious_georgge
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    Grevillia-00 If someone says I'm not sure what I'm doing that weekend, it means they don't want to say no to you, but they don't want to commit in case a better offer comes along
    via Grevillia-00
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    HeardPeeps It's like this... you can genuinely like someone and still not have the energy for them all the time. There are a lot of factors that have nothing to do with how much you care about the person.
    via HeadPeeps
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    Cheezburger Image 10672482816
    via Angelina Sarycheva

    The flaky friend always staying home

    Licensed media provided as editorial context

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friendship relationship advice friends relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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